I just posted pictures full of pride on Facebook regarding the send off of my children. Heading off to new adventures of their upcoming year…….Copenhagen and college. Meanwhile, what is too much for FB is the fact that the pride is the outcome of a hard fought summer.
Single mother, son, daughter, each fighting to find their way. Everyone looking for independence while trying to find the acceptable dependence. Not wanting to let go of the warmth of the past while not understanding how to break free of the hierarchy that no longer works. So many hurtful words. Painful, unspoken, but always felt, feelings. A necessary evil? I understand it as such, but that understanding made it harder for them as they believed there was a better way. I wished for the better way, but it was not to be found. So……the pride.
We made it. We survived the pain. We hugged and said how much we love each other. We kept the warmth, but in a different form. And this much is true. I am enormously proud that we could still hold that bond despite the trauma of the summer. That my children are still striving to learn and be bold. That I am still striving to learn and be bold. Even when each of us temporarily loses sight of it. We are a family.
This year will be another chapter in our lives of what we are yet to become. It will be marked by more boldness. Of that I am certain. We are not people who shrink off into the corner of life to manage day to day. We live. Hence the struggle. It might be easier if we weren’t so bold in our own beliefs.
So what will this year bring? I usually reflect on that New Year’s Eve and will undoubtedly do so again this year. But today is a New Year. Today is the day we each said goodbye to each other for the time being knowing that we have goals of our own. Goals that are about each of us individually and not just as a family. And we will fight our own battles and revel in our own accomplishments as we move toward those goals. And, most importantly, despite the moments of anguish this summer, we will support each other in striving to accomplish what we each deem worthy. That makes me proud. I am proud to be part of this family. Love, perseverance, boldness. Not the stuff for sissies. And we are off……